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somewhereunderapapermoon

1) A boy telling you you’re pretty won’t make you see the beauty in the fullness of your cheeks, in redness of your lips at 2 in the morning when tequila is making the bar bathroom spin. He can’t take away the ugliness that you see in yourself, you have to do that.

2) You have to be ready to hear someone say they love you. You have to be ready, and you have to be willing, and you have to listen. Because sometimes, they won’t say those three words, they’ll put a blanket over you while you’re watching a movie, they’ll kiss your cheek when they think you’re asleep, they’ll smile when they see you first thing in the morning. But you, you have to be willing to see it, feel it, let it in. Letting someone love you takes practice.

3) Don’t make compromises you can’t live with. Compromise is a different version of what you want, not a whole other Universe.

4) Learn to say no. No - to a movie you don’t want to watch; no - to sex you don’t want to have, no- to a relationship that’s driving you mad. Say no - to things that hurt you, to people that extinguish your fire, to jobs you hate and places that are desolate. There are bad things that we can’t control, bad things that happen and we are sucked into and have to feel with every fibre of our being, but the rest - learn to distance yourself, learn to say no.

5) Don’t expect people to walk through fire for you - not your parents, not your friends, not the person you’re in love with. Love doesn’t mean sacrifice, love shouldn’t mean sacrifice. Don’t expect someone to give away pieces of them, so they could fit you better. And don’t feel hurt when they refuse to - it’s self-preservation. Instead - learn from them. Do it as well.

6) Don’t tether yourself to people. Learn to make connections, to love, with both your feet steady on the ground. Learn to let people pass through your life; like a summer breeze, not a storm that’s just been unleashed.

7) Learn the difference between growth and growing up before it’s too late. Rooftops and water fights and ice cream for breakfast can be a part of your life at 10, 25, or 35. But by the time you’re 35 you need to learn to say enough, to be able to walk away, you need to be able to love yourself. Love yourself the way you loved yourself at 10, before the world had a chance to fill your head with ugliness.

m.v., The list of things I learned before turning 22, pt.1. (via findingwordsforthoughts)

Is this my decent into madness?

I am now highly disturbed on how my diet is impacting the environment. (always have been but now I know I am a huge part of the  problem)

I keep thinking back to that article. I haven’t eaten meat in ten years….what a scary thought, to kill and then eat my friend. But it would be sustainable…and if we went back to small family farms the environment may stand a chance?

If my goal is to be truly sustainable I need to figure shit out… what with trying to live small and raise Si and worrying about wars and what not.

Its almost as if my body cannot cope with with contentment. I must always be worried about something otherwise…..

I may be happy?

I cannot wait to get on my mat today. I need my practice these days more then ever.

Omg Si has been napping for four hours….tried to wake her gently. She didn’t even budge. Last night she screamed her self to sleep from the pain in her knees. she kept screaming about her legs. She has been going through a growth spurt and has been napping the past few weeks.

Why does everything make me cry these days……….

fuckyeahradicaled

Telling children the truth about sex isn’t giving permission for them to have it — and this is the most important part — because when the right time comes, nobody has the right to deny them permission for sex but themselves.

And that’s the thing I try to keep in mind when I say things like, “We don’t touch our vulvas at the table.” Sex is something that ONLY happens when both people WANT it to happen. And that means that the only people in the entire world with any kind of say over whether or not my daughters have sex is them.

I don’t get to tell my daughters they have to have sex, but I also don’t get to tell them they can’t. They’re in charge. Your body, your decision.

I never want to be responsible for setting the precedent that another person gets to tell them what to do with their bodies, and especially with their sexuality. I don’t want to be the gateway for a manipulative, potentially abusive boyfriend.

So I teach boundaries. Appropriate places. Hygiene. I teach my children that nobody is allowed to touch their bodies without permission. When we get in tickle fights and they say, “Stop!” I stop.

And when we talk about pregnant friends, we talk about uteruses and sperm and eggs.

And most of the time, it’s not uncomfortable. Most of the time, I’m verifying information and the conversation lasts 15 seconds.

It always comes back to “not being enough.”

Not good enough

Not smart enough

Not brave enough

Not scared enough

Not loved enough

Not woman enough

Not humane enough

Not mom enough

Not daughter enough

Not wife enough

Not partner enough

Not bad enough

Not still enough

Not moving enough

Not enough time

Not enough energy

Not enough hope

Not sweet enough

Not kind enough

Not enough empathy

Not strong enough

Not free enough

Not enough